The Retrospector

This is the third post in the Integrity Series I’ve had going the last couple weeks. If you haven’t already read the first two posts, Avoid Taking Undeserved Credit and Don’t Defer Blame, please go have a look. I’ve only got one more topic in mind for the series after this post, so unless something else comes up I think the series should wrap up this week.

What I’m going to talk about in this post is the use of exaggeration. Many people use exaggeration so much, and since it’s just a really little stretch of the truth they don’t realize how often it’s happening. Exaggeration is such a powerful tool when trying to argue a defense for your side of the debate. Using “stretched” facts can help you win over someone else that isn’t totally informed of the facts themselves.

When used too much, I think exaggeration is very harmful to your credibility and reputation. If too much emphasis is placed on your stretching of the truth, it could be interpreted as a flat out lie.

Appropriate usage

So when is exaggeration appropriate? I’ve really only been comfortable with exaggeration in the telling-a-funny-story category. Exaggeration to me isn’t far from lying, and I try never to be associated with dishonest practices.

As for when it’s not appropriate, well, I could probably be safe in saying it’s almost always inappropriate. What’s the point of exaggeration anyway? Some definitions of lying include “any deviation of the truth”. That includes lying by omission, exaggeration, changing the facts presented, etc. Why would you want to be associated with that just to make a point in a debate?

Take my advice, if you want to make a point, get your facts straight and present them in such a manner that makes sense to everyone else. If things don’t go your way, there’s probably a good reason for it.

Pitfalls

So what happens when you do exaggerate?

1. You’re labelled as someone that stretches the truth, or even worse…a liar. (even if you’re just a regular “honest Joe”)
2. You could potentially convince someone with your false/exaggerated reasoning down the wrong action path just because they couldn’t argue against your side of the story.
3. You just might like how it works on others and get more comfortable with using it more often.
4. People may begin to compensate for your exaggerations in every conversation with you, even when you’re not exaggerating. Then when you’re dead-on telling the truth they’re going to be converting everything to false information during the discussion.

How to avoid it

Here’s a few tips I’ve used over the years to help avoid being caught up with stretching the truth in any way:

1. When talking numbers, if you don’t know the exact amounts SAY SO. Ballpark the values and toss in a disclaimer that you’ll need to double-check the values.
2. If you really do have a good idea on what the fact is and it can be placed in a range…give a proper buffer to your lower limit as well as the upper limit so you’re not seen as trying to skew the facts in your favor. (i.e. Well, I’ve seen 15-25 occurances of users getting stuck on that screen the last week. Instead of saying it’s 25, when you think it’s 20. Giving a range is much more accurate when you’re not absolutely sure.)
3. Think like a CSI. (Crime Scene Investigator) If you don’t know the facts, find them out before going into your debate. This isn’t always a convenience everyone has, but if you can get all your facts straight before the conversation, there’s no need for making up skewed data to fill in the blanks. If you have the real facts, you won’t be as tempted to stretch them in your favor.
4. When in an argument, think about whether or not you’re just trying to win the argument so you can do things your way…or if you’re just letting the facts do the talking. People will be much more inclined to have productive debates with you in the future if they don’t feel like you’re always trying to overpower the conversation in your favor. Honest debate is the best kind.

Going forward

Think about what you’re going to say before you say it. Is it an exaggeration? My opinion on the matter is that it’s not far from lying. Even if you’re an honest person, stretching the truth is a really bad quality to have. Follow the avoidance hints and don’t get labelled as an uninformed pushy win-the-argument-at-all-costs person. I don’t really know anyone quite like that, but even the subtle exaggerations effect how people respond to you. I can’t imagine how bad it would be to work with a total liar.

What are your thoughts on exaggerating? Is there an appropriate place for it in your life? Do you have methods of avoiding exaggerated stories in conversations? I’d like to hear what you’ve seen and experienced with arguments full of false info.

Head on over to the last post in the series:  How to say “I don’t know”

Tags: exaggeration, integrity, debating, honesty