The Retrospector

This is the third post in the Integrity Series I’ve had going the last couple weeks. If you haven’t already read the first two posts, Avoid Taking Undeserved Credit and Don’t Defer Blame, please go have a look. I’ve only got one more topic in mind for the series after this post, so unless something else comes up I think the series should wrap up this week.

What I’m going to talk about in this post is the use of exaggeration. Many people use exaggeration so much, and since it’s just a really little stretch of the truth they don’t realize how often it’s happening. Exaggeration is such a powerful tool when trying to argue a defense for your side of the debate. Using “stretched” facts can help you win over someone else that isn’t totally informed of the facts themselves.

When used too much, I think exaggeration is very harmful to your credibility and reputation. If too much emphasis is placed on your stretching of the truth, it could be interpreted as a flat out lie.

Appropriate usage

So when is exaggeration appropriate? I’ve really only been comfortable with exaggeration in the telling-a-funny-story category. Exaggeration to me isn’t far from lying, and I try never to be associated with dishonest practices.

As for when it’s not appropriate, well, I could probably be safe in saying it’s almost always inappropriate. What’s the point of exaggeration anyway? Some definitions of lying include “any deviation of the truth”. That includes lying by omission, exaggeration, changing the facts presented, etc. Why would you want to be associated with that just to make a point in a debate?

Take my advice, if you want to make a point, get your facts straight and present them in such a manner that makes sense to everyone else. If things don’t go your way, there’s probably a good reason for it.

Pitfalls

So what happens when you do exaggerate?

1. You’re labelled as someone that stretches the truth, or even worse…a liar. (even if you’re just a regular “honest Joe”)
2. You could potentially convince someone with your false/exaggerated reasoning down the wrong action path just because they couldn’t argue against your side of the story.
3. You just might like how it works on others and get more comfortable with using it more often.
4. People may begin to compensate for your exaggerations in every conversation with you, even when you’re not exaggerating. Then when you’re dead-on telling the truth they’re going to be converting everything to false information during the discussion.

How to avoid it

Here’s a few tips I’ve used over the years to help avoid being caught up with stretching the truth in any way:

1. When talking numbers, if you don’t know the exact amounts SAY SO. Ballpark the values and toss in a disclaimer that you’ll need to double-check the values.
2. If you really do have a good idea on what the fact is and it can be placed in a range…give a proper buffer to your lower limit as well as the upper limit so you’re not seen as trying to skew the facts in your favor. (i.e. Well, I’ve seen 15-25 occurances of users getting stuck on that screen the last week. Instead of saying it’s 25, when you think it’s 20. Giving a range is much more accurate when you’re not absolutely sure.)
3. Think like a CSI. (Crime Scene Investigator) If you don’t know the facts, find them out before going into your debate. This isn’t always a convenience everyone has, but if you can get all your facts straight before the conversation, there’s no need for making up skewed data to fill in the blanks. If you have the real facts, you won’t be as tempted to stretch them in your favor.
4. When in an argument, think about whether or not you’re just trying to win the argument so you can do things your way…or if you’re just letting the facts do the talking. People will be much more inclined to have productive debates with you in the future if they don’t feel like you’re always trying to overpower the conversation in your favor. Honest debate is the best kind.

Going forward

Think about what you’re going to say before you say it. Is it an exaggeration? My opinion on the matter is that it’s not far from lying. Even if you’re an honest person, stretching the truth is a really bad quality to have. Follow the avoidance hints and don’t get labelled as an uninformed pushy win-the-argument-at-all-costs person. I don’t really know anyone quite like that, but even the subtle exaggerations effect how people respond to you. I can’t imagine how bad it would be to work with a total liar.

What are your thoughts on exaggerating? Is there an appropriate place for it in your life? Do you have methods of avoiding exaggerated stories in conversations? I’d like to hear what you’ve seen and experienced with arguments full of false info.

Head on over to the last post in the series:  How to say “I don’t know”

Tags: exaggeration, integrity, debating, honesty

Time to participate in another Problogger group writing project. With this project Darren is asking everyone what they would do differently if they were to start their blog all over again today.

Since I’ve only been blogging for a couple of months, I have to admit I don’t have much to say on this subject. However, the following is my short list of things I would have probably done differently:

• Spent more time on site appeal and/or branding - I don’t think I would close my eyes and picture the same type of blog as the one I see when I look at my site. I think if I had to start over again, I would have had a much more eye-candy site to look at with custom graphics that relate to my “theme” of hindsight and/or learning from my experiences.
• I would not watch the site’s income so closely this early - I don’t know how many times I’ve refreshed all the monitoring pages to see each and every cent come in over the last couple months. Maybe it’s something I’ll continue to outgrow, since I pretty much just check a couple times a day now. Perhaps it’s just the novelty of watching the pennies roll in that are going to pay for my next year’s hosting expense. I wish I would have just focused on the content and on reading/commenting on other sites instead.
• I would not have told my wife about the site’s ability to make money - she’s got $$$ in her eyes now that she’s realized a site can make some extra money (as little as it is). I told her if she wants money she should get her own blog. I’m interested in using whatever money comes in toward a few other internet projects I’ve had in mind for awhile, not some new purse that just went on sale at the mall. I established my goals for this blog long ago (which was another Problogger group writing project), and I completely intend on sticking with them until they’re no longer applicable.

I really have to admit that there isn’t much else I think I would do different. I didn’t know much about blogging when I started, and still have tons more to learn. This is my first blog, and I have been learning as I go every step of the way as I mentioned in my effective blogging habits post (which was also a group writing project that I summarized into a top 50 list). I thank Darren for being a good role model in how to make blogging more fun and more effective.

For those of you who are also bloggers, what would you do differently if you were to start your blog all over again today? Share your thoughts with us all, I think it’s a great opportunity to learn something about yourself and your experience blogging so you can take a step back and see what you could do better the next time. A perfect example of something I like to do on this site…learn from experience and share it with others.

Tags: blogging, problogger, start+over

This post is a continuation of the Integrity Series, which is a series of posts that stemmed from a few things I think are crucial to anyone wanting to maintain a healthy trustworthy standing with their peers, managers, and subordinates. This particular post follows up on a post on how to Avoid Taking Undeserved Credit.

What I’d like to elaborate on concerns something nobody likes to really think about. What happens when things go horribly wrong? Well, when shit happens…there’s no point in polishing a terd. Someone has to shovel it up and get rid of it while the company has to figure out how to still end up with a jewel. (Or just a pretty rock will do. Some of us will take what we can get when things aren’t as they should be.) Regardless of what went wrong, if you were involved in any way with the problems…the best thing to do is to just suck it up and take what comes. The rest of the post will concentrate mostly on the what-to-do and what-not-to-do action items you should remember if ever caught up with an awry situation.

Take responsibility

Be as informed as possible. If you’re caught in the middle of a bad situation, looking stupid is about the last thing you want to happen. Collect as much information as possible on why things went wrong, the source of the problem didn’t just happen out of thin air. Even if you weren’t expecting something and didn’t account for it, do your homework and find out as much information as you can as fast as you can so that when you’re in the room trying to explain what happens…you at least look and sound intelligent enough to be speaking on the subject.

You most certainly don’t want to get into a meeting to talk about this and not be able to defend facts just because you’re unaware. Even if you aren’t to blame, looking unprepared is just as bad as being guilty because you didn’t help prevent it by being prepared in the first place.

Be honest. If you’ve got your facts straight, what have you got to hide anyway? If the problem was your fault, at least you have a fighting chance at saving yourself by explaining what most likely went wrong and having evidence for it. On the contrary, if you try to lie your way out of it…and get caught…you’re just an idiot and probably deserve whatever comes your way.

Don’t blame anyone else

Don’t mention names. This is probably the most difficult thing to do, but unless directly asked for a name just don’t throw them out there. Marching into your boss’ office and blaming the entire thing on someone else can be just as bad for you as it might seem good depending on the situation.

1. Pointing the finger shows cowardice, irresponsibility, weakness.
2. Burning bridges may gain you a short term way to save face, but sometimes bridges don’t get rebuilt. You may not have the support of your peers in the future.
3. By not blaming others, you show that you are a strong team player willing to take responsibility for your actions and everyone on the team…especially if you weren’t really involved to the point of deserving blame.

Keep it to simple facts. Don’t let any biased opinions creep into the discussion just because you’re angry or flustered. Stick to what’s fact, and let the evidence take care of itself when dissecting a problem.
Have a plan of action ready

Now what? If you messed up, you better be ready to fix it. Being prepared is as good as you can do at this point. If you just shrug the entire thing off, your company may consider you an unnecessary expense. Who wants to hire someone who just messes stuff up and won’t even try to make things right? I sure wouldn’t. If I screw up, you better believe I’m in there pulling double-time until I make it right. Having other people dependent on me to do my part is pressure enough. Forcing teammates to dive in and bail you out all the time just sucks and makes you look incapable.

Regardless of whether you were really to blame or not, be ready to assist in making things right. The only people that are remembered more than screw-ups, are the people that can fix things. If one of your teammates royally goofs up their component and you’re reliant on it being successful, roll those sleeves up and get your hands dirty in solving the problem. You’ll gain so much more respect as a team player and key versitile resource. Just being able to help with brainstorming ideas and fresh perspectives is sometimes enough to push a group effort over the edge to a successful path.

No plan? Find someone who can make one. I don’t care if you’re just some new grunt right out of college, if you can’t make a plan you better find someone who can and be proactive enough to get something going or you could be putting your job on the line as well as your reputation.

Everyone has to learn the hard way, and you’ll probably get some leniency the first few times. Don’t even let it come to that. Being proactive is about the best thing you can do in a situation unless your directed to focus your attention elsewhere while the disaster recovery crew takes over.

Going forward

Obviously being in this scenario isn’t fun. But knowing at least where to start and what direction to head should give a good advantage over the deer-in-headlights-type people in the end. Be informed, hold your head high, and have confidence that you did everything you could…and are going to do everything you can to make things right.

Most important of all, learn from your mistakes AND the mistakes of others. Your experience is gold for your career. If you ignore things that have happened to you and everyone around you, you may as well be a fresh college graduate your entire life. If you plan on moving up in the world, make sure you pay attention to how things happen around you.

What do you do in situations that just don’t go right? How do you react to make sure things can smooth out over time? (Well, besides starting a new job-hunt )

Next posts in this series:

• Avoid Exaggerating
• How to say you don’t know

Tags: integrity, blame, accountability, mistakes, planning

One of my recent articles on Top 10 Ways to Motivate Geeks has gotten some good attention lately and driven quite a bit of traffic to the site. I’ve had some interesting “opposites” approaches show up in comments regarding the things that do NOT motivate geeks. I’ve also stumbled onto some other pages that hit the some of the same points I have. Some good thought and effort went into these, and I think some of the points made are things I had in mind when coming up with my own geek motivation list.

The links:

• Top 10 Ways to Demotivate Geeks
• How to make IT Staff Less Angry (series)
• What Makes People Unhappy at Work
• Why Your Employees Are Losing Motivation

I’m not one to normally post things without something unique to add, but I felt inclined to share a little “link-love” with others that have hit the topic of motivation in a similar manner. I think this also establishes that I’m at least on a somewhat correct track with my own list seeing that many others out there not only agree with me, but have also been posting their own perspectives which aren’t far from my own.
Feel free to add any attitional twists to the geek-motivation topic. I’ll keep my eye out for some more interesting and unique takes on the matter.