» Integrity Series: How to say you don’t know >> The Retrospector

Integrity Series: How to say you don’t know

Posted August 1st, 2006
Categories: Corporate Life, Management

To complete the series, I’m going to touch on something that overlaps some points I’ve already made in the earlier posts…but I think it merrits just a little more attention. I want to talk a little bit about saying “I don’t know” and when to recognize that’s exactly what you should say.

Before I get into it, here’s a list of the other posts in this series:

If you haven’t read them already, please take a look before continuing and come on back.

No excuse for being unprepared

First off, I want to throw out my disclaimer. By promoting the use of saying “I don’t know” when appropriate, I’m not encouraging you to be unprepared or even being put in a position where you look stupid and just have nothing else to say. I most certainly think it’s better to be as familiar as possible with every aspect of your job to the point where you shouldn’t have to ever use the phrase in front of other people.

This is not rocket science. I’m almost looking at some of these posts and just thinking to myself “why the heck are you writing these things anyway, isn’t this common sense?” Well, if it were that obvious, there wouldn’t be so many people sending comments to me about these subjects. (I’ve gotten a number of comments via email from this series for some reason.) So knowing that, I continue on.

The art of saying you don’t know

This amuses me to some extent. I’ve seen so many people try to weasel out of saying the three little words. It’s really not that hard, but for some reason there’s people out there that just never…ever…ever feel as if they’re wrong. I don’t really mind it so much when people think they’re always right, until they’re very quick to point out when you’re wrong. Not everyone can know everything all the time. Eventually, you are caught in a situation where you simply don’t know enough to sound intelligent with saying anything else.

Here’s a simple little list of ways to say “I don’t know” and still save your dignity. Sometimes you just can’t help it because you truly don’t know, but sometimes it’s just because you can’t joggle the memory well enough to bring some hidden thought to the tip of your tongue and back.

Here’s the obvious. “I don’t know.” Sometimes that really hurts to say, but c’mon. It’s not going to kill you once in awhile.
“That looks really familiar, I just can’t put my finger on it.” Ok, this is kind of lame because anyone can say that to sound like they’ve at least been familiar with your subject once upon a time and just have a short memory lapse.
This one cracks me up…the generic statement of knowlege. “Oh yeah, that’s the thing we were doing a few months back. I remember that.” This is very dangerous if you’re really clueless. You may have to elaborate if you invite discussion on the matter.
“I’m not as familiar as I’d like to be.” This implies some knowlege to begin with, even if you don’t have it. This one is much more careful than #3, and is very similar to #2. But it also implies that you really don’t know…without you actually having to say it.
Nod and smile, staying quiet. Then blurt out a “oh yeah, mmhmm.” This is probably the biggest scapegoat of “I don’t know” avoidance I’ve ever seen. There’s so many people that will just give you that half-blank stare while acknowledging your statements when they’re totally clueless. Don’t fall into this trap. Many people will hold you responsible for being on the same page and lose total confidence in you if you proove that you were totally clueless while totally agreeing with them.

Keep in mind you don’t want to mislead

There’s a fine line between trying to save face in a conversation you’re having with coworkers where you get by without having to admit you don’t know or understand what they’re talking about…and being depended on by those workers when you walked away really not knowing while they all need to you understand to fulfill your role properly on the team. Be careful how you admit to not knowing.

huh? I like to make as clear as possible that I dont’ understand something until I’ve seen it very clearly in my mind. I’m horrible at nodding during a conversation, but the best thing to do is to repeat what people are saying in your own words to help you get a clear picture of what’s going on. Being on the same page with others on your team is crucial to your success.

Put a positive spin on not knowing

Something I like to do is to make an opportunity out of not knowing something. (Assuming it’s a lost opportunity because you’re just unprepared.) When I catch something in a conversation I don’t understand, I try to ask for a simple elaboration or explanation. Usually a one-two line description is enough to go on for a research project after the fact.

If you knew everything right now, life would be kind of boring. Learning is a huge part of life’s variety. So don’t be discouraged when you’re caught blindsided by some term, technology, or algorithm that others are talking about. Raise your hand and get involved by being interested and curious.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’d love to get more information on that.” -or- “Wow, what is that? That sounds interesting…”

So, what do you do when put on the spot in front of a group about a subject you don’t know much about? Are you the know-it-all type that just can’t admit to your knowlege gaps? Are you the doornail that sits there never saying anything when you don’t know what others are talking about? Perhaps you’re the curious one that also doesn’t know when to quit asking questions and go learn something on your own…

There’s plenty of variety here that I’ve seen. I’m curious what you’ve experienced. Share it with us and think up one of the funniest scenarios you can remember when catching someone claim knowlege of something they are really clueless about.

Tags: integrity, i+don’t+know, prepared